Anti-patterns
Rewrite any draft that contains one of these. The list is short because each item is a whole category.
| Pattern | Why it fails |
|---|---|
| "I hope this message finds you well", "Je me permets de vous contacter" | announces a template before the first real word |
| "Quick question" followed by a long one | the reader measures the question, not the label |
| "I noticed you..." followed by something on their profile | everyone notices; the profile is public, the post or comment is the reason |
| the product name, a feature, a pricing word | turns a person into a vendor in one word |
| "would love to", "jump on a call", "15 minutes" | an ask before a reason |
| more than one question mark | two questions get zero answers |
| an exclamation mark in a note to a stranger | reads as enthusiasm the reader did not earn |
| "congrats on the growth", "congrats on the funding" | generic, and a hire is a problem, not growth |
| a compliment on their content with no specific | "great insights" is what a bot writes |
| a link of any kind in the note or first message | the click is the ask, and the ask comes later |
| a note that would work for anyone else on the list | the test that catches everything above |
The last item is the test
Before sending, ask: could this exact text go to the next person on the list? If yes, it is a template, and the reader knows in the first line. Change the one thing that makes it theirs: the number they quoted, the post they wrote, the role they posted.
Rewrites
Before:
Hi Sarah, I hope this finds you well! I noticed you're Head of Sales at a fast-growing company. Would love to jump on a quick 15-minute call to show you how we help teams like yours book more meetings. Do you have time this week?
After (note, 143 characters):
Sarah, your comment on the SDR ramp thread was the only one with a number in it. Would like to keep reading you.
After (first message, 31 words):
Thanks for connecting. The 25 percent acceptance number you quoted stuck with me. Did you end up changing the targeting or the note?
What changed: the reason is hers, the ask is gone, there is one question, and nothing to click.