Zero-instance patterns — rewrite every hit
These rhetorical moves have no human upside. They are a tell every time they appear, in every variant. Do not soften them; rewrite the line. Grouped by type, with the test that catches each.
Negative parallelism: "It's not X, it's Y"
The single most recognisable AI tell, and the one that hides in the most shapes. The rule is semantic, not syntactic: do not assert what something IS by first asserting what it ISN'T about the same subject. All of these are the same violation:
- "It's not X, it's Y." / "Not X, but Y." / "Not just X, Y." / "Not X. Y."
- "Don't just X, Y." / "You don't just X, you Y."
- Tense variants: "X was never A, it's B."
- Sense-verb variants: "It feels like A, it's actually B." / "On the surface it's A, underneath it's B."
- Self-correcting: "It's less X, more Y." / "I'm not saying X, I'm saying Y."
- Expectation-vs-reality: "You'd expect X. You get Y."
The test: remove the negated half. If the point still stands, the negation was scaffolding - cut it and state the positive claim directly. If the point collapses, the positive claim was not sharp enough; fix the claim rather than propping it with a contrast.
Allowed, do not flag: different-subject contrast ("Big clients don't buy software, they buy the safest choice") and genuine state-shifts where the subject actually moved from A to B ("After the diagnosis you stopped asking is this serious, you started asking what do I do now").
Swap framing
No "Say goodbye to X, say hello to Y" or "Out with the old, in with the new". State what changed.
Triple countdown
No "Not a bug. Not a feature. A fundamental flaw." State the point.
Self-answered rhetorical questions
No posing a question and answering it in the same beat: "The result? Devastating." / "What does this mean? Everything."
False-suspense transitions
The whole class is banned, not a phrase list: "Here's the thing", "Here's the kicker", "Here's what changed", "Here's what nobody tells you", "Here's what most people miss". Test: does the phrase name the revelation in the same beat, or only tease that one is coming? If it teases, cut it and name the thing.
The colon setup
No "abstract noun, colon, payoff": "The reality:", "The problem:", "The takeaway:". Banned as a device; state the point as a plain sentence. The mid-sentence version is the same tell worn as a sentence - a setup clause, a colon, then the payoff. State the fact plainly instead.
Pedagogical framing
No teacher voice: "Let's unpack", "Let's dive in", "Let's break this down".
Vague authority
No "research shows", "experts say", "studies suggest", "industry reports indicate". Name the person, study, or source, or cut the claim.
Invented specificity and invented concept labels
No fabricated numbers, dates, percentages, or named moments absent from the source. No coining an abstract compound phrase ("the acceleration trap", "the supervision paradox") and using it as if it were an established term.
Patronising analogy
No "Think of it like...", "It's like...", "Imagine if...". Even one forced analogy is too many; the temptation peaks on counter-intuitive ideas, which is exactly when to resist. Name the thing directly.
Grandiose stakes inflation
No "this fundamentally reshapes everything" / "will define the next era". Match the register to the subject.
Phantom-future projection
No manufactured stakes from an imagined future: "a year from now you'll wish you'd...", "by the time you realise it, you'll have wasted...". Stakes come from a present cost the reader already pays.
Unsolicited validation and forced empathy
No "You're not imagining it", "You're not alone", "Feeling overwhelmed is normal". Open on the concrete thing.
The "actually / genuinely" intensifier
No "a strategy that actually works", "advice that genuinely helps". It adds an unearned contrast and no information. Delete the word; if the sentence means the same, leave it deleted.
"That lands" and delivery-verb tics
No "a hook that lands", "copy that resonates", "the point settles". Name the specific effect ("a hook that makes them stop scrolling") or cut the qualifier.
Metaphorical verbs where a literal one is clearer
"collapses" to "stops working"; "siphoning attention" to "stealing attention"; "dovetails into" to "connects to"; "percolates through" to "spreads through".
Formulaic openers
Do not open a piece, section, or paragraph with a stock frame. The whole class is banned, not just these examples:
- "In today's fast-paced world", "In an age where", "In a world where", "More than ever before".
- "At its core", "Welcome to", "Enter [X]".
- LinkedIn humblebrag announcement openers: "I'm humbled to share", "Thrilled to announce", "Beyond excited to". State the news itself, not your feelings about it.
- Faux-personal-ritual openers: "One number I keep coming back to", "I finally sat down with". Lead with the fact or the observation instead.
Formulaic closers
Do not announce the conclusion. Just make the last point and stop:
- "In conclusion", "In summary", "To sum up".
- "Ultimately", "At the end of the day".
The pass-one self-check
Scan once for every pattern above. The five that slip through most often, in order: negative parallelism, false-suspense transitions, the colon setup, patronising analogy, phantom-future projection. Any hit gets rewritten, not softened.